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Asking residents a simple question like that after a behavior that had negative consequences can lead the group home resident towards more independent thinking and learning. Here’s a sample of the difference in approaches.
Resident is dependent on staff to learn, process, and implement consequences.
Staff: “You know if you hit people you can’t stay at the mall.”
Resident: “I wanted her ice cream and she wouldn’t give it to me.”
Staff: “Well it wasn’t your ice cream and now you have to stay home”.
Resident: “I want to go back to the malll NOW! I won’t hit any more. I want you to buy me ice cream or I’m going to hit you.”
There’s a good chance the resident will have more behaviors, possibly accelerating in intesity. Staff is fustrated because 6 out of 7 outings end up like this. The staff has repeated this to the group home resident over and over and it doesn’t seem to do any good. Both hate outings. The resident feels bad because he knows he did wrong.
Staff helps resident to discover the answers.
Staff: “What should you have done so you could’ve stayed at the mall?”
Resident: “Not hit, but I wanted ice cream”
Staff: “Did you have money for ice cream?”
Resident: “No, because I bought sodas with my money.”
Staff: “What will you do next time if you want ice cream?”
Resident: “Not buy sodas.”
Staff: “See how smart you are? I bet next time we go to the mall we will be able to stay the whole time, because you are a smart man and you know what to do! So, now that we are home, what do you want to do?”
Chances are the resident will calm down and accept the consequences. The resident starts seeing himself as smart and capable. The staff may go through this several more times before results are seen.
Its easy to lecture and point out to a resident that the way his/her actions lead up to the negative consequences s/he may be regretting. The trouble is that it creates a dependency on the group home staff. How do you feel when someone teaches you something compared to when you “discover” something on your own. Our group home residents are limited on their opportunities to discover their capabilities. Its up to us to assist them in that.
One of my most rewarding experiences in this job was when I heard a group home resident say “I can do that because I’m a smart man”. I had felt like he wasn’t listening to me the months I had worked with him, I sure was wrong!
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